Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Transformational Insights for Rosh Hashana

As heard in a shiur  by R' Cohen of Young Israel UWS;

Transformational Insights for Rosh Hashana:

  1. As we know, life is filled with ups and downs; if we look to the blwoing of the shofar, it is the recipe for how Hashem intended us to be and how to grow from every given situation.
  • Tekiah-1 solid note
  •  Shivarim-3 broken notes
  • Teruah-9 staggered notes
  • Tekiah Gedola- One long blast
           The notes communicate the idea that man was created "yashar", straight and we look to the tekiah as "yashar". Unfortunately, when we hit a "shivarim", life can break us; and sometimes before we have the chance to be "metaken" ourselves, we can unfortunately become shattered, like "teruah". The message of the shofar is to take the broken pieces that Hashem sends us, the trials and tribulations, should be viewed as nisyonos to rebuild ourselves and our lives to be the elongated "tekiah".
     2. There is a minhag for mothers to bring their small  children to hear the tikiyos, why? B'zchus the small children (their innocence, etc) Hashem should listen to our tikiyos.
     3.Because Hashem remembered, Sarah, Rachel and Chana on RH, we learn that we can daven on behalf of someone else.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Love Criticism

Way #35: Love Criticism
by Rabbi Noah Weinberg
Criticism is usually seen as a personal attack. But think of what an Olympic athlete willingly endures from coaches! To reach your potential, seek constructive criticism.
Do you love criticism? Probably not. Most people see criticism as a personal attack which triggers all kinds of defense mechanisms.
Way #35 is Ohev et ha'toch'achot – literally "love criticism." Sounds ridiculous? Actually, a business will pay big money to hire consultants to tell them everything they're doing wrong! They'll hang a suggestion box – and if there's a chance to improve business even the words of the janitor are considered by the CEO.
So why does that same CEO get angry when he comes home and hears suggestions from his wife?! The answer is that he's focused on making more money, but may not be focused on becoming a better person.
Realize that every mistake carries with it a negative consequence. By helping to clarify the personality flaw that caused the mistake, criticism can save you from future loss. Your friend will tell you when you've got spinach stuck in your teeth, while your enemy will smirk and say you look great! As the Sages say: "Better the criticism of a friend, than the kiss of an enemy."

Do you think you're perfect? Of course not. So if you want to reach your potential, look for constructive criticism. When someone is committed to reaching a goal, they'll accept incredible doses of nagging, harassments and insults. Think of what an Olympic athlete willingly endures from coaches!
When we see the benefits, we actually like criticism. Imagine you left your wallet in the post office, and someone calls after you: "Hey! Your forgot your wallet!" Rather than get defensive at the criticism, you'd say, "Thank you very much. Next time I'll be more careful."
One of the reasons we have difficulty accepting criticism is because it comes at times when we're not emotionally prepared. It catches us off guard. On the other hand, when you invite criticism, you're in a position to deal with it calmly – to accept or discard the information. Plus the fact that you're asking for it means you'll select a more reliable source, you're more likely to take it seriously, and... it's good practice for when you get it unexpectedly!
Don't wait for a crisis to seek criticism. Preempt problems before they arise. If you want your marriage to succeed, ask for advice. If you want to raise healthy children, ask for advice.
The best method is to get feedback from those who are objective – those who know us best. Once a month, ask a few friends to tell you five ways you could improve. (Ask for five points, because they'll typically start easy – and only the last one will cut to the heart of the matter!)

REACT IN A GOOD WAY
Mention the word "criticism" and we all imagine something negative and painful. The pain that criticism causes stems from wounded pride. No matter what, there is the lurking sense that "I'm no good."
Criticism doesn't mean you're no good. It means, "You're good, but I believe you can be even better."
Squash your defensive instinct. Don't react until you take it home and ponder. You may be embarrassed from the comment, but ask the person to elaborate: "Tell me exactly what's disturbing you. I want to see if there's truth to the criticism."
One method for handling criticism is to depersonalize it. Take yourself out of the picture, and consider: "How would I advise a friend who received this criticism?"
It's painful to discover our mistakes, but it's even more painful to go through life repeating those same mistakes. Criticism is like a needle. It may sting, but the pain passes – and the results will benefit you for a lifetime.
When you recognize that the purpose of criticism is to wake you up and get you on track, then you'll be grateful to your critic. Get in the habit of saying, "Thank you, I really appreciate your pointing that out." Even if you have to mutter it through clenched teeth...
(Don't worry about your pride. If your critic has only said it to put you down, this makes you bigger than him. And it really takes the wind out of his sails.)
When you get criticized:
  • Don't try to defend yourself. Remember, no one in this world is perfect.
  • Think it over – is it true? Why does he perceive this?
  • Thank the person for the criticism.
  • Take it one step further – ask him to elaborate.

Appreciate the value of giving others criticism, too. Someone who is suffering spiritually and emotionally needs help just as much as the one suffering physically.
So why do we resist giving criticism? Because we want to be loved, and we think people will resent us for criticizing.
Imagine someone was about to walk into an empty elevator shaft. Wouldn't you run to point out his error? If your child refused to take his medicine, would you walk away and say: "I want him to love me, so I won't insist he take this unpleasant medicine." (Of course, learn to give it with lots of sugar.)
When we clearly see the consequences of mistakes, we feel obligated to help. The Torah says that any love that does not include correction, is false. If you really care, you'll find a way to help – even if he doesn't realize he needs it. Don't be nonchalant. If another person is feeling miserable or acting self-destructively, don't just stand by. Their mistakes will catch up to them and cost them. Be concerned. Help.
When you're indifferent, it's easy to be tolerant of other people's faults. But the more you love someone, the more it hurts to see them living a misguided life. That's why parents – the least indifferent of people, those who love you the most – often give the most criticism. It's precisely because of their love that they can't simply turn their backs and say, "He's wasting his life but I don't care."
Now we understand why the Torah (Leviticus 19:16-18) juxtaposes the instruction to give criticism, next to the command to "love your neighbor as yourself," and next to the prohibition against standing idly by while another is in need. The best criticism comes from a sense of love and obligation to help.

To help someone change, there needn't be any criticizing, throwing stones, or shouting louder than the next guy. The goal is not just to get it off your chest.
Appreciate how difficult it is to take criticism, and use that sensitivity to shape the way you criticize others. Before criticizing anyone, ask yourself: "How would I feel if I was on the receiving end? How would I want to be told this?"
Because criticism is so valuable, and yet has such potential for damage, it is crucial to "criticize wisely." If your criticism will create animosity or resentment, then it's better not to say anything at all.
The first step in correcting others is to love them. If a person feels you truly have their self-interest at heart, they'll listen to what you're saying.
Give 10 portions of love for every one of criticism. Give love before, during, and after criticism. Reassure the person that you are on his side. Many parents make the mistake of thinking they can criticize their children without emphasizing how much they love them.

The goal of criticism is to get the person to accept the point, and to grow from it. Your challenge is to avoid triggering any defense mechanism. Try something like this:
"I did an inconsiderate thing last night."
"Yeah? What?" your roommate asks unknowingly.
"After I finished eating, I didn't clean up my dishes. I'm sorry."
"Now that you mention it, I also leave my dirty dishes overnight. I'm going to be more careful about cleaning up, too."
Mission accomplished, and no hurt feelings. Of course, not all scenarios are the same, nor is it always so easy to soften the blow. But if you're clever enough, you'll find a way to speak your piece – and keep the peace as well.
Finally, the most effective rebuke is demonstrating through action and deed. If children don't appreciate the beauty and value of being honest, it is probably because their parents are not being careful enough with their own honesty. Otherwise the truth would be obvious to anyone. No arguments, no conflicts. The Talmud says that Moses was able to instruct the people only because he fully exemplified what he preached.

The Hebrew word for criticism, toch'acha, is from the same word as hoch'acha, meaning "proof."
The best way to get someone to change is not through harsh rebuke, argumentation, or intellectual persuasion. The only way to convince anyone of anything is by clear and obvious proof. The person must see for himself what he is doing wrong.
The Midrash tells the story of Elijah the Prophet meeting up with a fisherman:
"Do you study Torah?" Elijah asked.
"No," replied the fisherman, "I'm just a simple man. I am not endowed with any special talent or intelligence."
"Tell me," said Elijah, "how do you prepare your fishing net?"
"Well," said the man, "It's actually quite complicated. First I have to select the proper gauge rope, and then I have to weave the net in a particular pattern to ensure the proper balance of strength and flexibility."
"How do you go about actually catching the fish?" inquired Elijah.
"Oh," said the man, "that, too, involves many complex factors – season of the year, time of day, type of fish, water depth, temperature, and speed of the current."
"When you get to heaven," said Elijah, "you said you plan to testify that you didn't study Torah study because you're just a simple man, not endowed with any talent or intelligence? But your expertise as a fisherman refutes your very own claim!"
Toch'acha is not harsh. Rather, toch'acha is the beauty of reality staring us squarely in the face.

  • We all want to get the most out of living. But humans are inherently subjective. Ask friends for feedback.
  • If you're hungry to grow, you'll always be eager to hear people's advice – without getting defensive.
  • When we pay for criticism, we listen to it carefully. Appreciate free criticism, too.
  • Constructive criticism shows you care about the other person's pains and achievements.
  • The battle for life is the battle for sanity. Criticism gives us clarity on our mistakes.
  • The Jewish people are a unit. If one Jew hurts, all Jews should feel it. Helping another Jew is helping yourself, too.
  • The Talmud says that Jerusalem was destroyed because people didn't correct each other.
  • King Solomon said, "Criticize a wise person – and he'll love you!" (Proverbs 9:8)

Monday, May 28, 2012

Handling Social Pressure

Way #36: Handling Social Pressure
by Rabbi Noah Weinberg
Don't spend your life trying to impress others. Because even if you convince others that you're great, have you convinced yourself?
I met a young man who always talked with his head tilted a bit sideways, because somebody once told him he had the profile of a famous actor. Most people didn't think he had an actor's profile; they thought he had a screw loose.
This is what happens when making an impression on others determine our actions. It's human nature to seek recognition for our achievements. Whatever we're proud of, we want others to know about it, too. Next time you're in a conversation, see how long it takes the other person (and yourself!) to start mentioning personal accomplishments.
Why are we so eager to impress people? Humans are hungry for meaning. But sometimes we don't reach the level we ought to. So we need to compensate with an artificial boost from others.
If people say that you're great, you can become convinced. A movie star who believes his fan mail is in trouble. Because he's built a house of cards. And when he falls, he'll fall hard.
Chasing after honor is a sign that you don't sufficiently respect yourself. It's like saying, "I might not amount to much, but if I can make others think I do, then I'm worth something." But it's not true. It's chasing "fool's gold" – yellow and glittery, but worthless. Deep down you feel like a fraud.
Way #36 is mit'rahek min hakavod – literally "keep far from honor." It teaches us not to look to others for recognition, but to find it within ourselves. Figure out what you think is meaningful in life, and use that to drive you to greatness. People who are satisfied with themselves don't need public recognition to reassure their worth.
This is a classic body-soul conflict. The body is happy with the illusion that others think we're important. But the soul looks for what is truly meaningful. The body says: "Let's be important for the moment." The soul says: "Let's make it real." The body balks at the challenges involved. The soul knows the right thing to do.

If you depend upon the opinions of others to determine how good you are, then you become like a leaf in the wind, fluttering in whichever direction the fads of the time blow you.
If you have confidence in your own worth, you'll be better able to follow opinions that are your own and not society's.
God calls the Jews a "stiff-necked people." Being stiff-necked is both good and bad. It's bad because you are stubborn and unwilling to change. But it's good because in the face of fads and trends, you stick to your guns. If the Jewish people were not stiff-necked, we'd never have survived till today.
We all want success and greatness, and we should seek it. But don't live for others. Don't base your career choice, lifestyle or even leisure time solely on what gives you status. If you want to be great, then do something great. Not because it will earn you respect in the eyes of others, but because you want to live a meaningful life and fulfill your potential – regardless of the attention it will draw.
Don't worry. When you follow the straight path, even though others might initially reject you, you can go to sleep knowing that your conscience in clear – and knowing that in the end, truth will prevail.

Make sure that your choices are what's best for you, not based on impressing others. Always ask yourself: "What is my real motive?" For example, if you're planning a European vacation, is it because you really want to visit Europe? Or because you hope to impress everyone with new tales of adventure?
Here are some exercises you can do:
  1. Make a list of what people typically seek admiration for – wealth, strength, skills, education, intelligence, career, health, athletics. Are there other, more important things that should be on this list?
  2. Make a list of things you do to impress others. What is it about these that make you feel so important?
  3. Ask yourself why you feel the need to impress other people. What do you ultimately hope to accomplish?

Some people are constantly boasting about their achievements, crying out: "Take notice. I am somebody!"
Judaism says that anyone who does a good deed and boasts about it, loses the reward for that deed. Suppose you find out about a widow and her children who have barely enough to eat. So you bring them food, provide support, and set them on the road to financial independence. The moment you start boasting about it, you've taken a beautiful act, and used it for self-aggrandizement.
People are suspicious of those desperate for recognition. That's why honor is one of those strange things that the more you run after it, the less you get.
Judaism says that when you do a good deed, the only ones who need to know about it are you and God. Do kindness anonymously. Don't worry. God will find a way to make sure you're amply rewarded.

One of the most destructive ways of trying to impress others is by role-playing. We act out characters that we think others will like. Did you ever notice how your personality can change in the presence of different people? To those at the health club, we appear athletic. To our friends, we are fun. To our boss, we are serious. We may go through 10 or 20 roles per day!
Take a look at the different ways you project yourself, and try to describe them. You might even find yourself playing a variety of contradictory roles. This is dangerous, because by casually switching roles, we can lose sight of who we really are.
Beware of media pressure to conform to a certain model. Imagine the subconscious desire to be the Marlboro Man! Get in touch and decide who you really want to be. Ask yourself: "What role am I playing? Is that really who I want to be?"
Who is the real you?

The capacity for role-playing has a positive side: it can draw out potential that we may not otherwise access. Because when we act outwardly in a positive manner, it awakens our inner selves.
Choose a role that would be good for you, and let it start affecting your daily behavior. Let's say you want to become genuinely happy. So start playing the role of the cheerful, smiling, friendly person who likes being with people. Acting the part will train the body to become attuned – and the person you are "playing" eventually becomes the real you!
Perhaps you'll ask: Is there any difference between deceiving others and deceiving yourself? The answer is that role-playing to bring out potential is a positive exercise, while role-playing to bring out compliments is not. The litmus test is when trying to deceive others, you'll end up feeling rotten afterwards. But if you're acting in order to improve your character, you'll end up feeling better about yourself.
One more positive application of role-playing: Strategize how to act in advance of a challenging situation. For example, if you're going to deliver a speech in public, practice in front of the mirror to get it just right. Or, if you tend to argue with your boss, role-play on how to diffuse the tension. It will save you and others a lot of suffering.

  • Don't get trapped in the obsessive need for recognition.
  • Seeking the approval of others harms you, because it keeps you from the real work of becoming great.
  • If you need others to verify your significance, it's time to examine your self-esteem.
  • When you act to impress others, you feel the emptiness inside.
  • Ask yourself: Given the choice, would I rather be famous-and-miserable, or satisfied-and-unknown?
  • When you get the urge to toot your own horn, ask yourself: Who am I trying to impress?
  • Even if you convince people that you're the greatest person in the world, have you convinced yourself?

Thursday, April 19, 2012

shlissel shabbos


http://www.thefivetowns.com/images/schlisseltefillah.pdf

(tifilos after havdala)

from the blog a simple jew;

There is a minhag to bake shlissel challah (shlissel means key in
Yiddish) for the Shabbos after Pesach. Shlisel challos are best known
as a segula for parnasa, though there are other reasons for it, as we
will soon see. Some bake the challah with an actual key inside, some
make the challah in the shape of a key and some put sesame seeds on
top in the form of a key. There are those who make the challah flat to
look like matzos. We will discuss this later on. The Ohev Yisroel says
about shlisel challah that “the minhagim of our fathers are most
definitely Torah”. There are many reasons given for this minhag of
baking shlissel challah; we will go through some of them. (Some of the
items written below can also be found in Taamei Minhagim, Nitei
Gavriel, Sefer Hatoda’a and Minhag Yisroel Torah)

First of all, the second mishna in Rosh Hashanah says on Pesach we are
judged on the grains, parnasa. Rabbeinu Nissim asks if we are judged
on Rosh Hashana then how are we judged on Pesach? He answers that on
Pesach it is determined how much grain there will be in the coming
year for the world, but on Rosh Hashana it is decided how much of that
grain each individual receives. The Meiri, however, says that on Rosh
Hashana it is decided if one will live or die, suffer or not and other
such things, but on Pesach is when we are judged on the grains. Based
on this there are customs in Sephardic communities to do things Motzei
Pesach as a sign that we want Hashem to give us livelihood. In Aram
Soba (Syria) and Turkey they put wheat kernels in all four corners of
the house on Motzei Pesach as a sign of prosperity for the coming
year. (Moed L’kol Chai -R’ Chaim Palagi, Beis Habichira). From a
mishna we already see that there is a connection between Pesach and
parnasa.

Reasons for Shlissel Challa

1).In Shir Hashirim (which we read on Pesach) it says פִּתְחִי-לִי
אֲחֹתִי רַעְיָתִי - “Open for Me, My sister, My beloved". Chazal say
that Hashem asks us to open up for Him a small whole like the tip of a
needle and He will open up a huge hole for us. Also, Klal Yisroel is
called a bride and they are called the bechina (aspect) of bread.
During Pesach all the upper gates and minds are open and after Pesach
they close and we need to open them. Therefore, we put a key in the
challah after Pesach to hint at us opening a small “hole”, through the
mitzvah of Shabbos (and, if I might add, the mitzvah of challah) and
now Hashem should open up all His good from his storehouses and the
heavens like He gave the mon to our fathers in the month of Iyar, and
this Shabbos we bless the month of Iyar.

2) After Pesach is when the mon stopped falling and we brought the
Omer. From then on we needed to eat from the produce of the ground; we
needed parnasa, since untill now we had the mon. It is known that
everything has a gate. Therefore just as we daven to Hashem to open up
the gates of parnasa we have a minhag to put the form of a key on the
challos to allude that Hashem should open up the gates of parnasa for
us.

3) During sefira we count 49 days till Shavuos, the 50th day, which is
the shaarei bina. We go from gate to gate, and each gate has a key.
That is why we make an image of a key on the challah.

4) It says in Shir Hashirim 1:11 תּוֹרֵי זָהָב נַעֲשֶׂה לָּךְ עִם
נְקֻדּוֹת הַכָּסֶף - "We will make for you circlets of gold with spots
of silver." By the Mishkan it says זהב וכסף ונחשת, putting zahav
(gold) before kesef (silver). In Bereishis, by the creation of the
world, the first day it says Yehi ohr which is chesed (which is
represented by silver) and the second day represents gevurah, which in
turn represents gold. The reason is that by the creation of the world
it was pure chesed, as it says “the world was built on chesed”
(Tehilim 89,3), therefore chesed, which is representative of kesef,
precedes gevurah, which is representative of zahav. By the Mishkan,
however, Hashem had to, so-to-speak, contract (tzimtzum) the Shechina
(Divine Presence) to dwell in it, and tzimtzum is from the aspect of
gevurah, therefore zahav precedes kesef by the Mishkan. However, the
zahav written there has the nekudah (vowel sound) of a פַתַּח (it has
a patach instead of the usual kometz), it says זְהַב הַתְּנוּפָה
(Shemos 38,24), and that is the nekuda of chesed –the nekuda of
chochma. And פתח (the vowel) also means opening like פתח ושער- from
there comes all the kindness. Putting it all together, this that we
say in Shir Hashirim תּוֹרֵי זָהָב נַעֲשֶׂה לָּךְ עִם נְקֻדּוֹת
הַכָּסֶף means the Mishkan was made with zahav, the aspect of
tzimtzum, but with the nekuda of kesef, meaning the (word “zahav”,
instead of having the usual vowel, kometz, is written with the) nekuda
of patach, which is chesed. And the Shabbos after Pesach is always in
the second week of sefira which is gevurah, the aspect of zahav,
except that it is menukad with kesef, nekudas patach. Through this we
say that we will open up all the gates of blessing and since every
gate has a מפתח (key) we make the image of a key on the challah.

5) The previous four reasons are all brought by the Ohev Yisroel in
Shabbos Acher Pesach and Likutim Parshas Shmini. There is a fifth
reason brought by the Ohev Yisroel, also based on the posuk תּוֹרֵי
זָהָב נַעֲשֶׂה לָּךְ עִם נְקֻדּוֹת הַכָּסֶף, connecting the written
and oral Torah to challah. (See Ohev Yisroel, Shabbos Acher Pesach)

6) The matza we ate on Pesach is supposed to instill in us Yiras
Hashem. And Yirah is compared to a key as we see from the following
Gemara in Mesechta Shabbos 31a-b: “Rabbah bar Rav Huna said: Any
person that has Torah but doesn’t have Yiras Shomayim is comparable to
a treasurer who has the keys to the inner parts (of the treasure
house) but the keys to the outer area was not handed to him. How can
he get to the inner parts (if he can’t first get into the outer
parts)?” Therefore we put a key in the challah the Shabbos after
Pesach to show we want the Yirah obtained from the matzos to stay with
us, because if one has Yirah then the Torah will stay attached to him.
(Yismach Yisroel)

7) The Rambam lists out at the beginning of Hilchos Chometz U’Matza
that there are 8 mitzvos (3 positive & 5 negative) involved there. The
key we put in the challah alludes to this Rambam: the letters of מפתח
(key) spell פ״ת ח׳ מ׳צות. (פ״ת is bread, representing the “chometz”
and מ׳ is for matza- these allude to Hilchos Chometz U’Matza, and
theח׳ is the 8 mitzvos involved) (Tzvi LaTzadik)

8) The Shabbos after Pesach we make challos that look like matzos, as
an allusion to the matzos that were eaten on Pesach Sheini. And we put
a key in it to allude to the “gates” being open untill Pesach Sheini.
(Imrei Pinchos)

9) The minhag is to put keys in the challah and make them in the form
of matzos. The reason is that in these seven weeks of sefira we are
supposed to work on our Avodas Hashem until we reach the the level of
the first night of Pesach. The way to do this is to put the “left into
the right”, meaning mix the trait of ahava (right side) with yirah
(left side). In this second week of sefira we have these two traits in
our hands, since the first week of sefira is chesed- ahava, and the
second week is gevura - yirah. That is why we make the challah look
like matza. Matza is representative of the yetzer tov, the right, and
chometz is representative of the yetzer horah, the left. Now, we have
challos which are true chometz, in the form of matza; “the left is in
the right”, chometz in matza. (Shearis L’Pinchos)

10) There are many reasons given for the shlissel challah, and I say
that the shlisel challos are the keys to parnasa. (Segulas HaBeShT
V’Talmidov quoting Nachlas Yaakov)

Different ways of making Shlissel Challah

As mentioned above (reasons 8 and 9) there are those that make the
challah round and flattish for this Shabbos, in the image of matza.

Some make the challah in the shape of a key.

Some attach a piece of dough in the shape of a key. Breslov Customs
for Pesach (page 57) says this is the minhag of the family of Reb
Elazar Kenig shlita and of Manistritch.

Sefer Hatoda’ah mentions making the image of a key with sesame seeds
on top of the challah. These first three customs can, perhaps, be seen
from the wording of the Ohev Yisroel in one place where he says we put
the image of a key on the challah.

Some place an actual key in the challah. Perhaps this is done because
of the wording in many places of indenting the challah with a key.

Either way it is done the key or image of the key is usually on top.
An interesting observation about this. The Gemara quoted by the
Yismach Yisroel (reason 6), about the key, is at the top of daf 31b.
At the bottom of the daf is the mishna mentioning the women’s mitzvah
of challah. Here to the key is on top and the challah on the bottom.

Conclusion

The Gemara in Taanis says there are three keys that Hashem controls
directly, without the assistance of Malachim. They are rain, which the
Gemara explains is parnasa, childbirth (or conception) and techias
hameisim. If I may humbly add, when we are making the challah to have
in mind the parnasa of others also, and also those who don’t have
children and most importantly daven for techias hamaeisim.

Either way one performs this minhag they are all correct and all have
holy sources. When I started writing this I did not realize how much
information there was on this minhag which is done only once a year. I
learnt a valuable lesson. Every minhag and of course every mitzvah has
many holy reasons behind it and it’s not done just because someone
decided this is a nice thing to do, as some say. The more I looked
into shlissel challah the more I found in seforim written by Rabbonim
who were geonim in every part of Torah, nistar and nigleh, and
tzadikim in every aspect, between “man and God” and “between man and
man”. They were able to understand reasons for every little action we
do as a way of serving Hashem. May we all be blessed with parnasa
berevach together with all of Klal Yisroel.
___
Giving Thanks for Doors Opened
Rabbi Yehuda Prero

Scavenger hunts usually do not find their way on to the Shabbos
preparation "To Do" list maintained by my family. Yet, last week, my
wife spent the better part of Friday afternoon running from grocery
store to supermarket in the pursuit of . . . dough. We had both
forgotten what was unique about this Shabbos. By the time we realized
we needed dough, it was too late in the afternoon to start whipping up
our own batch, so we had to go with the ready-made sort. After a few
stores, my wife was successful and she happily returned home with a
more-than-slightly frozen dough. Why, do you ask, we were looking for
dough? In two words, the answer is "Schlissel challah."

A custom of old is discussed in a number of places. The Sefer Ohev
Yisroel writes there is a custom, the first Shabbos after Pesach, to
pierce the Shabbos challah, the loaves, with a key. One reason for
this stems from events that occurred in the days after Yehoshua
(Joshua) took over the leadership of the nation of Israel. Sefer
Yehoshua (5-11,12) states: "and they ate of the old grain of the land
on the next day after Pesach, unleavened cakes, and parched grain in
the same day; and the manna ceased on the next day after they had
eaten of the old grain of the land; nor did the people of Israel have
manna any more; but they ate of the fruit of the land of Cana'an that
year."

Not long after entering the land of Israel, at the time of Pesach, the
nation of Israel was no longer provided with manna from heaven. The
nation began to eat from that which grew naturally in the land of
Cana'an, the land of Israel. At that point, the nation of Israel had
to depend on G-d for the provision of sustenance in a new fashion.
Until now, it had been miraculous. Now, each person had to labor and
toil and work the land so that their families would be provided for.
Sustenance was on the minds of everyone.

There is a metaphorical description of that place in heaven from where
blessings come. G-d's blessings, such as health and wealth, are stored
behind gates. On the high holidays, we ask G-d to open the gates of
heaven for our prayers. At this time of year, right after Pesach, we
ask G-d to recall how He opened the gates of sustenance for the entire
nation of Israel in the days of Joshua after Pesach. By impressing a
key into our challah, we are asking that we too should have the key we
need to open the gates of sustenance properly placed and turned for
us. The "schlissel," which is the Yiddish word for "key," should
unlock the gates of sustenance for us just as it was for the nation of
Israel after their first Pesach in the promised land.

Our entry into the land of Israel brought our nation into a new
status. We now had to work for our livelihoods, and our success would
not come without divine providence. Whereas the divine providence had
been outward and miraculous, now it would be more covert, hiding under
the cover of what we term "nature." With Yom Ha'Atzmaut, Israeli
Independence Day, before us, this is a lesson to keep in the
forefront. Just as our initial entry into the land of Israel brought
the nation of Israel to a new level of appreciating divine providence,
so too should the events surrounding the birth of the nation of
Israel. Some events were clearly miraculous, others appeared to be
natural. Regardless of how the events played out, we must remember, be
thankful, appreciate, and pray for the continuance of G-d's heavenly
assistance, in sustaining us as individuals and a nation, physically
and spiritually.

R' Yehuda Prero

Monday, February 27, 2012

The words of Torah should be as fresh to you as if you first heard them today


The words of Torah should be as fresh to you as if you first heard them today(Rashi, Deuteronomy 11:13).

Thank you Danielle Shwartz for sending this! (got from AISH.com)


Excitement often comes from novelty, but novelty is exciting only as long as it is new. Someone who buys a car fully loaded with options may feel an emotional high, but after several weeks, the novelty wears off and it is just another vehicle.

Spirituality, too, suffers from routine. Human beings may do all that is required of them as moral people and observe all the Torah's demands in terms of the performance of commandments, yet their lives may be insipid and unexciting because their actions have become rote, simply a matter of habit. The prophet Isaiah criticizes this when he says, "Their reverence of Me has become a matter of routine" (Isaiah 29:13). Reverence must be an emotional experience. A reverence that is routine and devoid of emotion is really no reverence at all.

Thus, the excitement that is essential for true observance of Torah depends upon novelty, upon having both an understanding of Torah today that we did not have yesterday and a perception of our relationship to God that is deeper than the one we had yesterday. Only through constantly learning and increasing our knowledge and awareness of Torah and Godliness can we achieve this excitement.

Life is growth. Since stagnation is the antithesis of growth, it is also the antithesis of life. We can exist without growth, but such an existence lacks true life.


Monday, February 20, 2012

The Beauty of Worry?!?

27 Shevat

May there not be anguish nor grief nor sighing on the day of our rest (Siddur).

It is noteworthy that the Hebrew words for these types of distress are all in the singular: ananguish, a grief, a sighing.

Many years ago, when my brother was gravely ill, I visited a rabbi in Israel and asked for aberachah(blessing) for his recovery. As I left, the rabbi said to me, "May you have many worries."

Noting my astonishment at this unusual berachah, the rabbi said, "When you have many worries, then things are in order. It is when you have only one worry that things are bad.

"You see," he explained, "life is never free of worries. Ever since Adam was expelled fromGan Eden (paradise), life has never been without problems, but these are the normal stresses of everyday life.

"If something extremely bad occurs, people forget all their usual daily worries and become totally preoccupied with this single, truly serious problem. For example, your worry about your brother's serious illness is pre-eminent and has displaced all other worries, because they all pale in comparison.

"My wish for you is that you have many worries, so that none be of such magnitude as to obscure all others."



Today I shall ...
... try to realize that the fact that I can list a number of things that are unpleasant is actually a favorable sign, because none of them is so severe that it obscures all the others.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

from aish

Love is the ultimate mitzvah.

by Rabbi Benjamin Blech

Love is in the air.

With the advent of Valentine's Day, the United States Greeting Card Association estimates that roughly 1,000,000,000 greeting cards filled with declarations of love are sent worldwide – and that number doesn't include the flowers, chocolates, jewelry and gifts that have become part of the rituals of this day on the calendar dedicated to expressing the emotion that Shakespeare called "the language of the soul."

As Jews, we may not be sure whether it's proper for us to join the party. After all, for the longest time the full name of this holiday was “St. Valentine's Day” because of its legendary link with the apocryphal story of one of the earliest Christian saints. Yet academics aren't the only ones who have recognized the dubious historical basis of this connection. Vatican II, the landmark set of reforms adopted by the Catholic Church in 1969, removed Valentine's Day from the Catholic church's calendar, asserting that "though the memorial of St. Valentine is ancient… apart from his name nothing is known… except that he was buried on the Via Flaminia on 14 February."

What's left for this day, as proponents of its universal celebration declare, is something that people of all faiths may in good conscience observe: A day in which to acknowledge the power of love to make us fully human.

When I am asked as a rabbi if I think it's a good idea for Jews to celebrate Valentines Day, my standard answer is, "Yes, we should celebrate love…every day of the year."

And as long as one day has been singled out to emphasize the meaning of love, this might be a wonderful moment for us as Jews to remind ourselves of its deeper meaning as a commandment – a meaning that is all too often lost when it's defined by Hallmark.

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Love, for at least one of the major Talmudic Sages, represents the ultimate mitzvah. When a non-Jew asked Hillel to "teach the entire Torah on one foot,” i.e. to summarize its essence, his response was basically the idea implicit in "love your neighbor as yourself."

So in a way, loving others it would appear is the summum bonnum of Judaism.

Related Article: The Power of Love

Love of Self

And yet, the way Valentine's Day is observed around the world leaves out one person worthy of love who is almost universally ignored. Granted, it is a fantastically beautiful thing to acknowledge love for another. But a closer look at the biblical verse that makes “love” a commandment points to someone who needs to be loved even before the object of your Valentines Day passion.

The first necessary step to loving others is to love oneself.

The verse in Leviticus (19:18) reads "love your neighbor as yourself." There are two instructions given here, and in very specific order. The verse is commonly used to remind us to love others, but we ignore, at our own peril, the first necessary step that has to be taken in order to accomplish the goal of loving others. Love your neighbor, the Bible teaches, as yourself.

It is one of the most profound psychological truths that the deep-seated hatred manifested by tyrants or criminals is in reality self-hatred turned outward. To be truly human, you must begin with self-acceptance and self-esteem. Only then can you move forward to a feeling of affection for others as well.

The Chasidic Rabbi of Kotzk was right when he witnessed a man beating another and said to his disciples, "See how even while performing an evil act, this Jew fulfills the words of the holy Bible. He demonstrates that he loves his neighbor as much as he loves himself. We can only pray that he eventually comes to love himself, so that he may alter the way he treats others."

Barbara De Angelis, an American researcher on relationships and personal growth, put it well in saying that, "If you aren't good at loving yourself you'll have a difficult time loving anyone, since you'll resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren't even giving to yourself."

The flip side of this, of course, is also true: If you don't how to love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you?

Faustian Bargain

This is not to suggest a self-love that's narcissistic, but rather the kind of self-love made possible by self-respect. The kind of self-love exemplified by the remarkable story of Gil Meche, the subject of a front-page headline in the New York Times:.

"Pitcher Spurns $12 Million to Keep Self Respect"

Gil Meche is a 32-year-old Major League pitcher for the Kansas City Royals. His contract called for $12 million for the coming baseball season. Major league contracts are guaranteed; no matter how well or poorly someone plays, or even if he can't play at all due to injuries, he gets paid in full. Meche has a chronically aching shoulder that prevents him from pitching. All he would need to do to collect his salary is to report for spring training. But instead, Meche announced his retirement last week, which means he will not be paid at all.

"When I signed my contract, my main goal was to earn it," Meche explained. "Once I started to realize I wasn't earning my money, I felt bad. I was making a crazy amount of money for not even pitching. Honestly, I didn't feel like I deserved it. I didn't want to have those feelings again."

I don't want to take what I don't deserve.

To Gil Meche, more important than money was the ability to look himself in the mirror and say, "I know I am true to my values, my dignity and my self-respect. I don't want to take what I don't deserve." And with that he demonstrated something we all could learn as the necessary prerequisite for true love.

Indeed, in many areas of life we are confronted with choices in which self-respect appears to be at odds with the seeming need for success. The Faustian bargain seduces us to sell our souls. Only those who are smart enough to choose love, are strong enough to make the right decision.

It isn't egotistical to make sure that you are likable in your own eyes. According to the Torah, it's a first step we all have to take before we proceed on the journey of love of others that will grant us the greatest fulfillment.

So here's my suggestion for Valentine's Day and as all the other 364 days of the year. No, you needn’t send yourself a Hallmark card declaring your love. But you might want to take a moment to live in a way that earns your deepest respect and admiration.

When you truly reach that place, you can then love others as yourself. In turn, they will be your true valentines, loving you for who you are with the kind of love that transcends momentary passion and one pithy phrase.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

"שעשה לי כל צרכי


By: Zahava Hoffman

מעמקי הלב- רב טברסקי

We say this ברכה every day of our lives, but what is its true essence? What are we actually thanking ה' for?

Rav Kook explains that the key word in this ברכה is “"שעשה that everything we need in this world ה' has created, He has already made. It’s a matter of whether we do the right actions; make the right choices in order to obtain them. It is all out there ready for us- all our needs and desires; however it is up to us to attain them.

The מהר"ל explains that this ברכה is referring to tying our shoes. When we say this ברכה we are thanking ה' for the essentials- the things in life that we need and ה' has granted us.

Rabbi Elie Munk in The World of Prayer expands upon this notion of shoes by bringing Rav Hirsch who discusses the larger concept of shoes. Rav Hirsch explains that putting on shoes is the external signal of our being set to take on self reliant activity. By contrast we see all those in תנ"ך who walk on holy ground are commanded to take off their shoes- what could this mean? This symbolizes their relinquishing of all self-determination and their absolute dependence on ה'. Rav Munk derives from this that this ברכה acknowledges that all human achievement stems only from ה' –who has granted us all our needs.

Rav Pincus in נפש שמשון views the idea of shoes differently. Rav Pincus explains that shoes are all inclusive- we are thanking ה' for everything until the very shoes on our feet. We often don’t realize how much we actually have in our lives to be thankful for. We have all our belongings in our homes, in closets, in shelves, etcetera and so we don’t notice the quantity of items we have- whether indispensable or superfluous.

The עץ יוסף understands this ברכה as שבח to ה' who gave us shoes so we can go and do what we need to do.

In תפילה כהלכתא we see some of the guidelines for this ברכה. One should say the ברכה even if not wearing regular shoes. Some say that if one is wearing נעלי בית (slippers, casual shoes), then one should not say the ברכהuntil wearing regular shoes. On fast days like יום כיפור and תשעה באב some only say this ברכה at night when wearing regular shoes.

This is the only one of the ברכות השחר that is written in first person. It is coming from a more personal place. “לי” and “צרכי” are tools to help us connect more to ה' and realize that everything in our lives, every shirt we own, every shoe we wear its all from ה'. It is truly difficult to imagine our lives without certain objects- whether necessary or not, so we must really recognize every single morning that it’s all from ה'. Our every step is from ה'. We must strive to do the right actions in order to obtain our needs and wants from ה' and once we have obtained them we need to thank ה' for them too.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

To Pray the Jewish Way

At first glance prayer seems to be about whining and begging G-d, “Please heal this person … please bring me my soul-mate … please help my business, etc.” One could mistakenly think that G-d is holding out on us and gets pleasure watching us grovel.

When we are faced with some very serious problems, it is customary to ask others to join together in our prayers. What is that all about? It seems as if we hope to move G-d through force: “G-d, if you don’t respond to my prayers, then I will recruit through the e-mail thousands of others to pray.”

Do we think these strategies really work? What are we actually doing here? If G-d is all knowing then why am I telling Him my problems? He already knows them. If G-d is good then why am I asking for Him to change my situation? Obviously whatever happens to me is for my best and I should just trust G-d.

To appreciate what we are actually doing when we pray, we have to examine what prayer really means. First, we have to understand that in Judaism we do not pray. Prayer is an English word. What Jews do isl’hispallel.

L’hispallel is a unique experience, but as with most Jewish things today, this holy word has been changed into an English word with a western connotation. The word “prayer” actually comes from the Latin word meaning “to beg” — exactly what most people feel prayer is. They imagine a big king in the sky who is getting a big ego boost from watching his subjects beg. This is a terrible image of our selves and of G-d.

L’hispallel has nothing to do with begging G-d to change His mind. L’hitpallel is a reflexive verb and it means to do something to your self, not to G-d. When you are praying, your question should not be, “Is G-d listening to my prayers?” For sure he is. What you should really ask yourself is, “Am I listening to my prayers? Does what I say impact me? Have I changed?”

If you are under the impression that praying is communicating to G-d information that He does not already know, then the whole prayer experience becomes ridiculous. G-d knows that your business is falling apart. G-d knows that you desperately want your soul-mate. G-d knows exactly what is going on in your life.L’hispallel is not about G-d hearing your prayer. It is about you hearing your prayers. You need to say these things to G-d not because He need to hear them but because you need to hear yourself saying them to G-d.

L’hispallel means to do something to your self. Exactly what you are doing is palleling yourself. And what exactly is that? We see the word palel in the story of Jacob and Joseph. When Joseph learns that his father Jacob is nearing his death, he goes to his father for a blessing for his two children. Jacob says, “I neverpalel-ti that I would ever see your face again, and G-d has granted me to even see the face of your children.” What do you think the term means here? I never hoped…? I never imagined…? I never dreamed…? I never anticipated?

The great 11th century Torah commentator Rashi explains the verse to mean, “I never would have filled my heart to think the thought that I would ever see your face again.” Therefore, when we l’hispallel, we are actively, intentionally trying to fill our hearts, to think the thoughts, to dream the dreams of what it is that we want to see and do in this world and then change ourselves in order to make these things happen. It is not G-d whom we are trying to change. It is ourselves and our relationship to G-d we are trying to change through prayer. If we change ourselves, we change our whole situation.

Please do not misunderstand this important principle. L’hispallel does not mean to meditate and talk to yourself as if you could ever make things happen for your self without G-d. Of course, G-d listens to our prayers and answers but we are not trying to change G-d’s mind we are trying to change ourselves.

If you pray in order to change G-d’s mind, then, please for G-d’s sake, don’t pray. We don’t want to change G-d’s mind. And thank G-d we can’t change G-d’s mind because G-d has made up His mind long time ago. G-d only and always loves us and seeks to give us the greatest good. As Psalmist praised, “His compassion (unconditional love) is upon all His creatures.”

Of course, G-d hears our prayers and answers but He is waiting for us to hear our prayers and mean them. Prayer is not passive, it is proactive. Through prayer we must inspire ourselves to take action and make changes within ourselves, our community and the world. When we change ourselves for the good we let G-d’s never-changing love for us and His abundant blessings become manifest in our lives. The more we praise G-d and acknowledge that He is the source of all blessings and truly want those blessings in our lives the more G-d’s blessings flow into our lives.

Prayer is not about changing G-d’s mind. G-d’s mind is steadfast. He only and always loves us and wants to shower us with His blessings. Prayer is about changing our selves. Prayer is about attuning our will to G-d’s will and making our selves receptive to receive His loving presence and blessings into our lives. G-d is waiting to hear from us and invite Him into our lives.

Rabbi David Aaron
Author of Endless Light, Seeing G-d, The Secret Life of G-d, Inviting G-d In, Living A Joyous Life, and The G-d-Powered Life