Shira Smiles Shiur – November 7, 2010/Cheshvan 30, 5771
Summary by Channie Koplowitz Stein
After many years of childlessness, Rochel Imenu is finally blessed with a child. In naming this precious child Yoseph, she combines two separate reasons into the meaning of the name: First, Hashem has gathered together and removed (oSaF) my disgrace, and secondly, may He add (YoSiF) for me another son.
Rashi cites an interesting Medrash to explain how a child can remove the disgrace of his mother. We know that in any home, things will go wrong and things will break. When the husband asks, “Who broke this dish,” or, “Who ate these figs,” the wife can now deflect blame from herself by pointing to the little angel.
This Medrash requires clarification, for it seems to trivialize the great gift Hashem gave Rochel Imenu with the birth of this son. However, the Sichot Mussar offers a very simple and gratifying interpretation. He explains that “removing the disgrace” from the wife has a much deeper significance, for the ultimate aim in a marriage is to create and maintain shalom bayis, tranquility in the home. If Hashem Himself decided to bend the truth to maintain this tranquility between husband and wife, as He had changed Sara’s words to reflect her own old age rather than her husband’s, so too is it permissible to bend the truth and blame the child for minor offenses to maintain shalom bayis. The compilation of Zekanim Esbonan goes one step further and focuses on the sensitivity of our Matriarch and Patriarchs to the absolute tone present in the home, much as a master conductor can hear any slight discord in the play of any instrument. By deflecting blame for such minor infractions, the household harmony is maintained, a harmony that is necessary to raise children who will then be able to create proper homes of their own.
To emphasize this point, the Zekanim present a vivid analogy. If you build a bar n for your cow and there is a crack in the wall, he says, you are not overly concerned and do not rush to patch it up. But if that crack is in the wall or the ceiling of your baby’s room, perhaps endangering his health, you do not permit the status quo to exist but rush to fix it. When a husband and wife allow even trivial problems like this to enter their bayis, they are creating cracks in the walls that protect their family. When they compromise and tacitly allow the child to “take the blame”, they are ensuring the continued loving relationship that must exist between a husband and wife.
Rabbi Frand illustrates the importance of compromise and giving in a marriage by citing the Halacha in the placement of the mezuzahin one’s home. Rashi and Tosefos disagree on whether the mezuzah should be placed horizontally or vertically upon the doorpost. Since one is about to enter the home, the mezuzah itself is offering an example of compromise between two differing viewpoints so that peace can be maintained as one crosses the threshold even before entering the home. It is placed at an angle, reflecting both points of view.
There is another dimension to Rochel’s words, as Rabbi Schlenzinger, in Eleh Hadevarim points out. Certainly Rochel Imenu was cognizant of the great chessed Hashem did for her in giving her this son. As the Ksav Sofer points out, she knew how great he would be, that he be grow up to be Yoseph Hatzadik and be the savior of his family in Egypt. But she also recognized the smaller chasadim that came with this gift, her removal as the sole possible cause of every household mishap. For the small favors that helped maintain shalom bayis as well as for the large miracles she thanked Hashem. It is through acknowledging the small gifts, the minor accommodations, that we build our relationship and cleave to Hakodosh Boruch Hu.
We know that our purpose on this earth is to build our relationship with Hakodosh Boruch Hu until we reach the world of truth. Our sages have called this world in which we live the prozdor, the entranceway to that world. Rabbi Pincus in Tiferes Shimshon clarifies what our thought process should be. He posits that we should not think of this world as a factory, full of difficult things we must do and accomplish before we can head home to relax and enjoy the fruit of our labor. Rather, he suggests, we should think of this world as the wedding canopy, the chupah, which we enter into with anticipation and reverence, with the love and resolve that will enable us to build our future relationship with our spouse.
With this thought in mind, we realize that each difficulty, each challenge, strengthens our relationship and builds our faith in each other. Within each challenge there may in fact be the very seed of blessing, unaware of it as we may be. Rabbi Spiro records and incident where a crippled Jew masquerading as a Polish beggar threw tomatoes and other produce in mock derision at Jews being rounded up for transport during the holocaust. These tomatoes were in fact life giving food. So too it is possible that the difficulties we perceive are actually the very means of our salvation. Leah Imenu understood this when she named her fourth son Yehudah to show her gratitude to Hashem for both the good she had received and the perceived slight of being less loved. She realized that Hashem was repaying her pain with the joy of additional children.
So too did Rochel Imenu recognize that her pain at being childless while she saw her sister bearing child after child was the catalyst for Hashem’s gathering (oSaF) those tears and that feeling of shame and inadequacy and replacing them with such a very special child.
All the difficulties and travails our Matriarchs and Patriarchs faced, and indeed all those we face ourselves, are manifestations of Hashem’s love for us. Rabbi Feuer in Tehillim Treasury, points out that Hashem’s presence is most often manifested to the Jewish people in biblical times through a cloud. He explains the symbolism of the cloud appearing dark but in actuality bearing the life sustaining rain. As the clouds appear in our lives, we must attempt to thank Hashem for these as well, even if we cannot see the coming blessing through the dark clouds. Our gratitude must include the small things as well as the great things, the difficulties and challenges as well as the obvious blessings.
Maayan Beis Hashoeva explores a Kabalistic interpretation of Rochel Imenu’s relief at having her disgrace removed. Maayan Beis Hashoeva goes back to the time of creation and to Chava’s sin of eating from the tree of knowledge. Her sin brought death to the world, but her expiation and repair of the sin would come through her painfully bearing and rearing children. Some of our Sages claim that the tree of knowledge was a fig tree. When her husband asks, “Who broke that perfect vessel that Hashem created,” and “Who ate the figs,” she can now reply that she is repairing that breach with the birth of her son, something she feared she would not have the opportunity to do.
Related to this idea, perhaps, is the breaking of the glass under the chupah, as explained by the Rozhiner Rebbe and cited on Aish.com. The Talmud states that the Holy Presence resides between a man and a woman in a holy state. Iish, man, contains the yud of Hashem’s name, while Ishah contains the heh at the end. We have here two of the four letters of God’s holy Name. When they get married under the chUpaH and we break the pach, the small vessel, we are left with the last two letters of the holy Name, the vov and the second heh, and God’s four lettered Name is now united in building a proper home, a microcosmic reflection of the perfect home of Eden.
Like Rochel Imenu, we should merit to build our homes and all our relationships to reflect peace and tranquility, to look for the good in every situation while understanding that truth is often hidden behind clouds. We build our relationships, both with Hashem and with our fellow man, by being grateful for all the little things as well as the big blessi
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