Truly Inspirational!

A little bit long but seriously incredible and worth reading

The story of Rabbi Nathanael Kinstein - Rosh Yeshiva, Yeshiva Yesh Ma L'asot

Like far too many an American Jewish family, Rabbi Kinstein’s family never spoke of religion or G-d. His father’s family left the Ukranian kehila for the shores of the Golden Medina. His mother was a child Holocaust survivor. His parents assimilated into American culture, his father joining the US Navy and going to Vietnam as a pilot, and becoming a POW.
Like many a young Jew in America, Rabbi Kinstein's total Jewish experience consisted of “we don’t eat pork”.

With no spiritual direction and many family challenges (a father locked away in a Vietnamese prison camp), Reb Nati embarked at an early age in a search for truth.

Now this is painful. It's not the kind of thing shared in polite company within the religious Jewish community. Those who have returned, who have found truth in Torah, usually don't speak of their past. The types of things lost Jews get involved in aren't understood within the religious community (and they should never know of such things). But ONLY the Baal Teshuvah can bring up the sparks from the lowest, dirtiest, grossest level.

Young Nathanael (Nati) had no education in any matter spiritual, and NO education in ANYTHING Jewish. When he heard his father was shot down in Vietnam, he felt a need to pray. His ONLY experience was something he'd seen on TV. So he got down on his knees and prayed - the only way he'd ever seen or heard.

At 15, he befriended a religious geek on the school bus who was the target of all the bullies. Sick of seeing him beaten and his bible torn up week after week, a young Nati stood up and pushed back. The young man spent some time afterward to teach a young Reb Nati that "violence isn't the way of my lord", and took him to pray. A young Nati figured it was worth checking out, looking for some positive meaning in life with a family situation that was fecal.

At 17, following a parental split, he was left homeless with $200, a bus pass, suitcase, and a broken plate from his father (a symbol of you don't eat here any more). Homeless and with no place to turn, he joined the U.S. Marines.

In the marines he learned to stand up, be strong, fight, take it free if it's offered to you, and live today because who knows if you'll be here tomorrow. So when they showed up on base and said, "free food and pretty girls, and those that go to church avoid duty", well darn, he was there! (And so were practically every other guy.)

Soldier Nati was ready to be saved...from a difficult childhood, from troubles of the world, and from guard duty. A little fire and brimstone preaching on the left side, free food and church girls on the right side...hey, this looks ok.

However, Nati took it seriously. He picked up the books and read them. He went to classes. He wanted to learn about G-d, and avoid the negative. He asked questions, too many questions. "Why is there a rule against adultery, and then god breaks his own rule? If (the man god) followed the testament, why were his followers breaking the rules? It says if someone teaches that the Torah is not important, he's the least...if someone teaches that it applies and is important, he's the greatest. Why are you going directly against this?" Why is it all inconsistent? Why does it seem anti-semetic? Why do I have to stop being Jewish to be a believer??? Why don't these things make sense? Finally they got sick of him and sent him out to the Messianic Jews.
So he found a place where he could be Jewish and still believe in god (the little man god). But now there were more books on the shelf, more information to be learned. The Talmud, the Mishnah, the Midrashim, the (little man god) wasn't anywhere to be found. But at least he could be a Jew, a cultural Jew. When he learned about Succot and drove to Miami to buy a lulov and esrog (and a few NCSY books on yiddishkeit, "The Jewish Catalogs") and came back, they laughed at him when he entered the Messianic "synagogue". "What are you, the Jewish prop man? You spend $80 on a lemon?" Having the farce that it was thrown in his face, he walked out...

Down the street to the Conservative synagogue. The Conservative synagogue was nice. Very Jewish, also very well to do. Besides not fitting into the social class, Nati wondered whether these people were serious when he saw various congregants with a "Chanukah Bush". He spent the time learning well and deeply, beginning to understand what Torah, Emes, and Hashem was (and even more importantly, what it wasn't.) But the inconsistencies in the books on the shelf versus the actions of the average congregant was a little much. No, he wasn't looking for perfection, but couldn't understand "kosher in the house, not in the restaurant" or "keep Shabbos, but not if it's inconvenient". After posing these questions to the rabbi, the rabbi said "the orthodox guys are wacked, but that's where you need to go. See ya."

So after getting thrown out by Xianity, spit upon by Messianic judaism for having the nerve to do a mitzvah, and sent away by Conservative Judaism for being machmere (serious) about Judaism, he walked into an Orthodox synagogue with the Chabad rabbi.

Nati walked in, told him where he was coming from and said "I want to know the truth." The Chabad rabbi stroked his beard, looked at him and said, "Oh, so you want to be a yid." And he started learning, and helping, and growing.


Of course, every time any Jew heard where he was from, they turned their backs on him. How could a Jew who's been to church want Judaism? How could a Jew who's been with the Messianics not be a spy or a missionary? How could a Conservative Jew give up his (outside the house) cheeseburger?
That was the start, the beginning. A journey from Florida to Crown Heights, from Crown Heights to Monsey, from Monsey to the Shomron (West Bank), from the Shomron to Jerusalem, and onward to today. Every halachic issue arising from such experiences has been dealt with by the highest batei dinim and biggest rabbonim. Every issue of teshuva dealt with by tzaddikim.

Nati was (re)married in a kosher chupah by the highest beis din in America, he learned in Chabad yeshiva in Crown Heights, Viznitz yeshiva in Monsey (and learned Gemora with the Viznitzer Rebbe!), Breslev yeshiva in Immanuel, learned the secrets of kabbalah with HaRav Shabbtei Teicher, a"h, and the secrets of emunah (true faith) with HaRav Shalom Arush, shlita, and received rabbinic ordination from the Beis Din of Jerusalem.

There are still people today who occasionally arise to throw the sins of the past in Rabbi Kinstein's face. People who would say there is no teshuva, there is no hope, there is no cleansing of averot, no scarlet washed as white as snow (Yom Kippur davening).

Most people would bury their past, hide it away in their darkest memories. Yet Rabbi Kinstein would use his past to let others know that no matter how far you think you're away from G-d, no matter how deep in the tumah (negative stuff), there is ALWAYS hope and there's always a way out. And Torah can change your life and your heart.